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Copyright (C) 1995-2008 Ruth Ingulsrud

Silly Goose Nursery Rhymes

Icki: Thank you for inviting me to your Fall Birthday Party! I just love birthday parties. It’s just amazing that all of you were born on the same day!

Kids: (Response)

Icki: What? You weren’t all born on the same day? Well, whose birthday is it then?

Kids: (Response)

Icki: Well Happy Birthday Elsa, Christine, Moses and Cameron.
Would you all like to hear me sing “Happy Birthday?” I have a lovely voice, you know. I used to be an opera singer, but I was so good that all the other singers got jealous so I had to leave.

Mercy: (Pops up) That is so not true. Oh please don’t ask her to sing!

Icki: They want me to sing! Don’t you all want to hear me sing?

Kids: (Response)

Icki: (Call Birthday Kids up to the front and sing for them.)

Mercy: Oh, my ears! That was so bad that even my antennae hurt! Let’s not sing anymore. Let’s do something else.

Icki: What should we do?

Mercy: How about nursery rhymes? How many of you know some nursery rhymes?

Icki: That’s great! I know lots of nursery rhymes. Do you know why?

Mercy: No, why do you know so many nursery rhymes?

Icki: Cuz my grandmother is Mother Goose!

Mercy: Your grandmother is not Mother Goose! Do you guys believe that Icky’s grandma is Mother Goose?

Kids: (Response)

Icki: Just wait till you hear me recite my nursery rhymes! Then you’ll see!

Mercy: OK, do you know “Little Bo Peep?”

Icki: Of course I know Bo Peep. She’s my cousin’s dad’s niece!

Mercy: That would be your sister!

Icki: Really? Peep is my sister? Cool! Does that mean that all those sheep are my sisters too?

Mercy: Peep is not your sister!

Icki: Well, maybe not, but I know the nursery rhyme! Do you want to hear it?

Mercy: OK let’s hear it.

Icki: Little Bo Peep has lost her jeep
Her keys were left inside it
Her sheep she spied, all crammed inside
They’d stolen the jeep to ride it!

Mercy: That’s not how it goes! Little Bo Peep did not have a jeep!

Icki: Well, she should have had a jeep! If she had a jeep, she could drive all over the pasture and find her sheep!

Mercy: You do have a point there, but that’s not how the nursery rhyme goes. Does anyone know how the rhyme really goes?

Sheep: (Pops up.) I know how it goes!

Icki: Who are you?

Sheep: I was one of Little Bo Peep’s lost sheep. My name is Amazing Grace!

Icki: That’s a funny name. How did you get a name like that?

Sheep: ‘Cuz I once was lost and now am found.

Icki: OK, Grace. Show us how amazing you are by telling us how the nursery rhyme really goes.

Sheep: Alright.
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And can’t tell where to find them
Leave them alone and they’ll come home
Bringing their tails behind them.

Mercy: That’s pretty good! Thanks for helping little sheep.

Sheep: You’re welcome. Bye!
(Exit sheep.)

Mercy: So, Icky, do you know any other nursery rhymes?

Icki: Sure. I know “Little Jack Horner.”

Mercy: OK, let’s hear it.

Icki: Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Feeding his pet alligator
Poor Jack disappeared
And it is greatly feared
That we won’t be seeing him later

Mercy: That’s not how it goes! Jack didn’t have a pet alligator! He had a plum!

Icki: Well, that’s just plain silly. Why would someone have a plum for a pet?

Mercy: The plum wasn’t his pet it was his dessert!

Icki: Actually it sounds like Jack was the pet’s dessert.

Mercy: That’s ridiculous! Why would someone have an alligator for a pet?

Icki: They’re cute when they’re small.

Alligator: (Pops up.) Whatta ya mean, we’re cute when we’re small? Are you trying to say that we’re ugly when we get big?

Icki: No, no! Not at all.

Alligator: What about all these kids out here? They’re in Kindergarten and they are pretty small and they sure are cute.

Mercy: They are very cute, aren’t they?

Alligator: Are you saying that these cute kids are gonna get big and ugly some day? Is that what you’re saying?

Icki: No, of course not. Now calm down little alligator. We’re just trying to do some nursery rhymes here.

Alligator: Yeah, I heard your version of little Jack Horner and that’s not how it goes!

Icki: It isn’t?

Alligator: No. You didn’t say anything about Christmas pie! That’s the best part.

Mercy: I know how it goes. Does anyone else here know how it goes? (Let kids answer.) OK you guys say it with me.

Little Jack Horner, sat in the corner
Eating his Christmas pie
He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum
And said, “What a good boy am I!”

Alligator: Oh, boy! That nursery rhyme makes me so hungry! I gotta get something to eat. I’m starving!

Icki: Um, you don’t like to eat geese, do you?

Alligator: Yuck! Who’d want to eat a goose? I’m gonna go get me a Christmas Pie! Yummy!
(Alligator exits.)

Mercy: Maybe I should do the next nursery rhyme, Icki. You seem to be mixing them all up. The Kindergarten class will help me recite the next one. I’m sure they all know “Little Miss Muffett.”

Icki: Oh go ahead.

Mercy: Is everyone ready?

Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.

Icki: Frightened by a little spider? Well, that is not the way that I learned it. This is how it really goes:

Mercy: Alright, Icki. Go ahead.

Icki: Okay! Thank you.

Little Miss Doodle sat on her kaboodle
Eating with all of her might
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
So she gobbled him up with one bite!

Mercy: I have never heard that version before. I think you just made it up.

Icki: I did not! I got it from a very reliable source!

Mercy: Well, what about Humpty Dumpty. Do you know that one?

Icki: Sure I do. Everyone knows that one. I’ll say it for you.

Humpty Dumpty drove off in his car
He drove pretty fast and he drove really far
His car hit a tree, but Humpty was fine
Cuz he’d fastened his seatbelt; he does all the time

Mercy: That’s not how it goes!

Icki: Yeah, I know. I was just kidding. But it is important to fasten your seatbelt isn’t it?

Mercy: Well, yes. You should always fasten your seatbelt. But that’s not how Humpty Dumpty goes!

Icki: You’re right. The real version goes like this:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a ball
It bounced him so high, he flew over the wall.
So all of the children in Kindergarten
Asked Humpty Dumpty to do it again

Mercy: That’s not how it goes either! I don’t believe this. I think all the kids in Kindergarten know this one. Come on everyone; say it with me.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Icki: That’s terrible! Humpty is in pieces? Couldn’t they use glue or something?

Mercy: Icki! It’s an old riddle. Humpty Dumpty is an egg! When you break an egg, you can’t put it back together.

Icki: Well that’s true. So what’s the next nursery rhyme?

Mercy: I’m afraid to tell you.

Icki: Oh, come on. I’m sure I’ll know the next one.

Mercy: OK. The next rhyme is “Jack be Nimble.”

Icki: I know this one! I even know what the word “nimble” means. It means graceful or light-footed, like me. (Icki leaps and trips.) It means you don’t trip when you run; at least not very often.

Mercy: Well let’s all say the rhyme together then:

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jump over the candlestick

Icki: (Shaking her head.) Nope, I don’t think you should teach them that one.

Mercy: Why not?

Icki: What if they decide to try jumping over a real candlestick? It is just not a good idea to play with fire. I think they should hear it the way that my mother taught me.

Jack don’t be silly
Jack don’t be dumb
If you leap over candles
You’ll burn up your bum!

Mercy: I can’t say I’ve ever heard that version, but it’s true that you shouldn’t jump over real fire. Can I tell you my favorite nursery rhyme now? It’s called, “Little Boy Blue.”

Icki: Oh, yeah! I know that one too. But you go ahead and tell it.

Mercy: Thank you. Here it goes:

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn
The sheep’s in the pasture, the cow’s in the corn.

Icki: The sheep’s in the pasture? That’s not how I heard it.

Mercy: Oh, of course not. Here we go again. So tell us how your version of “Little Boy Blue” goes.

Icki: Alright, I will.

Little Boy Blue
Come blow on your tuba, dear
The sheep’s in the pond
And he’s wearing your scuba gear!

Sheep: (Pops up wearing scuba gear.)
OOOh! I like that version!

Mercy: Oh, brother. I might have guessed it. Icki can you help us with just one more rhyme? This time we’re going to sing it, so please try to sing nicely.

Icki: Whatta ya mean? I always sing nicely! What are we singing?

Mercy: We are all going to sing, “Twinkle, Twinkle” together. Ready?

(Sing with the kids.)

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are.