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MISC.


It's better to be quotable than to be honest.

Tom Stoppard


Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W.C. Fields


The sense of humor has other things to do than being conspicuous in the act of laughter.

Alice Meynell


It rolls off my back like a duck.

Sam Goldwyn


He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.

Ring Lardner


What does a woman want?

Freud


The natural rhythm of human life is routine punctuated by orgies.

Aldous Huxley


The only way to get rid of my fears is to make films about them.

Alfred Hitchcock


I'm exhausted from not talking.

Sam Goldwyn


Where is human nature so weak as in a bookstore?

Henry Ward Beecher


Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Susan Ertz


There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.

Jack E. Leonard


A novel must be exceptionally good to live as long as the average cat.

Hugh MacLennan


Beauty will save the world.

Dostoevsky


If triangles had a god, he would have three sides.

Montesquieu


A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.

Carl Reiner


Love the sea? I dote upon it -- from the beach.

Douglas Jerrold


Lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place because the place isn't there the second time.

Willie Tyler


No furniture is so charming as books.

Sydney Smith


Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Voltaire


Sleeping is no mean art. For its sake one must stay awake all day.

Nietzsche


Time wounds all heels.

Jane Ace


A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

Fred Allen


Dying ought to be done in black and white. It is simply not a colorful activity.

Russell Baker


He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Wintson Churchill


Things forbidden have a secret charm.

Tacitus


Many open minds should be closed for repairs.

Toledo Blade


Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Jeff Valdez


Weather forecast for tonight: Dark.

George Carlin


My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Errol Flynn


I only know two pieces-- one is Clair de Lune and the other one isn't.

Victor Borge


When the going gets tough, the smart get lost.

Robert Byrne


For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping lipstick off the milk carton.

Elayne Boosler


What I tell you three times is true.

Lewis Carroll


I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.

Steven Wright


The difference between pornography & erotica is lighting.

Gloria Leonard


We are what we pretend to be.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.


Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx


It is no rest to be idle.

Paul Peel


The touble with living in sin is the shortage of closet space.

Missy Dizick


The goal of inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

Russell Baker


Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Gore Vidal


Start slow and taper off.

Walt Stack


The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.

Lily Tomlin


There must be more to life than having everything.

Maurice Sendak


If you can make a woman laugh you can do anything with her.

Nicol Williamson


Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?

Dr. Gonzo


A committee of one gets things done.

Joe Ryan


In California you lose a point off your IQ every year.

Truman Capote


Every crowd has a silver lining.

P.T. Barnum


Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck


When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.

Hermann Hesse


Take care of the sounds and the sense will take care of itself.

Lewis Carroll


To err is human; to purr feline.

Robert Byrne


I am easily satisfied with the very best.

Winston Churchill


What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.

Leo Tolstoy


Life is like playing a violin solo in public, learning the instrument as one goes on.

Samuel Butler


No statue has ever been put up to a critic.

Jean Sibelius


The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.

John Jensen


Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.

William Hazlitt


Not reading poetry amounts to a national pastime here.

Phyllis McGinley


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Evan Davis


Human kind cannot bear very much reality.

T.S. Eliot


The gods too are fond of a joke.

Aristotle


To be occasionally quoted is the only fame I hope for.

Alexander Smith


If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

George Burns


In fact the whole of Japan is a pure invention. There is no such country, there are no such people.

Oscar Wilde


There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying, Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace.

John Popper


Everything will change. The only question is growing up or decaying."

Nikki Giovanni


Originality and a feeling of one's own dignity are achieved only through work and struggle."

Feodor Dostoyevsky


To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life.

T.S. Eliot


Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within.

Steven H. Coogler


Whether you think you can or think you can't - - you're right.

Henry Ford


Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first be overcome.

Samuel Johnson


Progress in every age results only from the fact that there are some men and women who refuse to believe that what they know to be right cannot be done.

Russell W. Davenport


They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.

Francis Bacon


First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.

Epictetus


Our greatest happiness in life does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.

Thomas Jefferson


Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

unknown


All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom; justice; honor; duty; mercy; hope.

Sir Winston Churchill


We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it.

William Osler


Take away love and earth is a tomb.

Robert Browning


We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't.

Frank A. Clark


Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing.

Thomas Jefferson


The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.

Joseph Joubert


Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

Aristotle


Man has been endowed with reason, with the power to create, so that he can add to what he's been given.

Anton Chekhov


We can often do more for other men by trying to correct our own faults than by trying to correct theirs.

Francois Fenelon


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