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It's better to be quotable than to be honest.

Tom Stoppard

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W.C. Fields

The sense of humor has other things to do than being conspicuous in the act of laughter.

Alice Meynell

It rolls off my back like a duck.

Sam Goldwyn

He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.

Ring Lardner

What does a woman want?


The natural rhythm of human life is routine punctuated by orgies.

Aldous Huxley

The only way to get rid of my fears is to make films about them.

Alfred Hitchcock

I'm exhausted from not talking.

Sam Goldwyn

Where is human nature so weak as in a bookstore?

Henry Ward Beecher

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Susan Ertz

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.

Jack E. Leonard

A novel must be exceptionally good to live as long as the average cat.

Hugh MacLennan

Beauty will save the world.


If triangles had a god, he would have three sides.


A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.

Carl Reiner

Love the sea? I dote upon it -- from the beach.

Douglas Jerrold

Lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place because the place isn't there the second time.

Willie Tyler

No furniture is so charming as books.

Sydney Smith

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.


Sleeping is no mean art. For its sake one must stay awake all day.


Time wounds all heels.

Jane Ace

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

Fred Allen

Dying ought to be done in black and white. It is simply not a colorful activity.

Russell Baker

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Wintson Churchill

Things forbidden have a secret charm.


Many open minds should be closed for repairs.

Toledo Blade

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Jeff Valdez

Weather forecast for tonight: Dark.

George Carlin

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Errol Flynn

I only know two pieces-- one is Clair de Lune and the other one isn't.

Victor Borge

When the going gets tough, the smart get lost.

Robert Byrne

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping lipstick off the milk carton.

Elayne Boosler

What I tell you three times is true.

Lewis Carroll

I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.

Steven Wright

The difference between pornography & erotica is lighting.

Gloria Leonard

We are what we pretend to be.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

It is no rest to be idle.

Paul Peel

The touble with living in sin is the shortage of closet space.

Missy Dizick

The goal of inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

Russell Baker

Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Gore Vidal

Start slow and taper off.

Walt Stack

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.

Lily Tomlin

There must be more to life than having everything.

Maurice Sendak

If you can make a woman laugh you can do anything with her.

Nicol Williamson

Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?

Dr. Gonzo

A committee of one gets things done.

Joe Ryan

In California you lose a point off your IQ every year.

Truman Capote

Every crowd has a silver lining.

P.T. Barnum

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.

Hermann Hesse

Take care of the sounds and the sense will take care of itself.

Lewis Carroll

To err is human; to purr feline.

Robert Byrne

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

Winston Churchill

What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.

Leo Tolstoy

Life is like playing a violin solo in public, learning the instrument as one goes on.

Samuel Butler

No statue has ever been put up to a critic.

Jean Sibelius

The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.

John Jensen

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.

William Hazlitt

Not reading poetry amounts to a national pastime here.

Phyllis McGinley

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Evan Davis

Human kind cannot bear very much reality.

T.S. Eliot

The gods too are fond of a joke.


To be occasionally quoted is the only fame I hope for.

Alexander Smith

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

George Burns

In fact the whole of Japan is a pure invention. There is no such country, there are no such people.

Oscar Wilde

There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying, Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace.

John Popper

Everything will change. The only question is growing up or decaying."

Nikki Giovanni

Originality and a feeling of one's own dignity are achieved only through work and struggle."

Feodor Dostoyevsky

To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life.

T.S. Eliot

Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within.

Steven H. Coogler

Whether you think you can or think you can't - - you're right.

Henry Ford

Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first be overcome.

Samuel Johnson

Progress in every age results only from the fact that there are some men and women who refuse to believe that what they know to be right cannot be done.

Russell W. Davenport

They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.

Francis Bacon

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.


Our greatest happiness in life does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.

Thomas Jefferson

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.


All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom; justice; honor; duty; mercy; hope.

Sir Winston Churchill

We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it.

William Osler

Take away love and earth is a tomb.

Robert Browning

We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't.

Frank A. Clark

Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing.

Thomas Jefferson

The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.

Joseph Joubert

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.


Man has been endowed with reason, with the power to create, so that he can add to what he's been given.

Anton Chekhov

We can often do more for other men by trying to correct our own faults than by trying to correct theirs.

Francois Fenelon

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